25 February 2010
Timecheck: 12:48 AM
I know what he meant. I just lost a wallet... it's the exact same thing.
That very day, realization hits you that you really lost it. You tried looking for it everywhere, even tracing back on the places you’ve gone where you might have dropped it. The thought manifests your mind so much, only to come upon a grim realization after while: it's really gone.
But of course, you could still pin hopes on getting the wallet back. After all, it’s a one in a million chance for you to be that lucky one that gets your wallet back to where it belongs.
Perhaps you could become one of those that sit by the telephone day and night, hoping that someone would call and you would get it back. But as the days pass, that glimpse of hope in getting it back fades as well. You then remind yourself again that yes, you really lost it.
The first few days, it’s your friends you turn to for support. There are some that tell you you'll be fine, some that tell you that you deserved it with your carelessness and it was your own fault, while some would share their own stories about losing theirs. They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before, and none that made you feel any better unless you knew it’s time to let go.
You start your search in finding a new wallet, only to realize that no; you don’t want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all those better-looking ones or those with Prada or Gucci labelled all over it - you want the one that you lost, only because of how comfortable it was, because of all the cards and pictures and all the other sentimental items you had in it.
You decide to go without a wallet when you’re out, keeping the loose notes in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would of have held on to if you had your old wallet to put it into. Time passes as you made do without a wallet, while you wait for the perfect one you really liked to appear before your eyes.
And when it finally does, you see yourself starting to fill the new wallet, little by little. Sure, doesn’t the old one feel so much more comfortable? But it's getting there - you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff into it. Before you know it, this new wallet suddenly holds as much as what the old one held. You bring it wherever you go; you take it out when you need it. Suddenly you find yourself holding this new wallet dear to you, suddenly you feel like it really belongs to you.
And through this all, you suddenly realized that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet, that old wallet you lost. Well yes, you still do remember what you lost along with it... All those little things that you had in it. But then again, the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it no longer lingers in you anymore.
That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, this wallet has everything you now need, everything that you would want to bring along with you wherever you go.
This is your wallet.
And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.